[Jeanette-Marie Mirich] Life Interrupted

When Henri Nouwen’s life was interrupted by the death of a loved one, confronted by poverty, his quiet monastic life by busyness, and his emotional safety by the collapse of a deep friendship, Nouwen, a Roman Catholic priest and spiritual writer asks in Beyond the Mirror, “Where is God? And Who is God for me?”

If we are honest, those questions press on us when we are betrayed by people we trust or when our world of order crashes into chaos. Although Nouwen’s life was interrupted by an accident and he paused at the threshold of death, mine has been interrupted as well. Numerous times. Did I see God in the change of pace? Not always.

When I became a believer in 1971, my marriage nearly fractured. The name Jesus was anathema to my beloved spouse. I could have filled my days with caring for our newborn, building relationships with others, or taken up hobbies, but my husband’s rejection caused me to draw on God’s word for my very sustenance. When things fall apart in your life or your securities are shattered, what becomes your focus?

“My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials.” James 1:2 (NKJV)

And then there was the war. Vietnam. During a draft, all physicians’ draft numbers change to #1. My husband became a flight surgeon. By God’s direct guidance, his duty station became Utapao, Thailand.

Life disrupted.

I packed bags, and with the baby, I went home to my parents. After a month, my husband found off base housing for us, and on Thanksgiving of 1972, I flew with our toddler to Bangkok. What do you do in a war zone when the tension is high and other wives distraught? I, a neonate believer, took my cartoon-embellished Bible and began a study group. We simply read the New Testament, because that was all I knew to do. And women began to reaffirm their faith or become Christians. Why? Because, in the midst of trials, where life and death daily pursued each of us, God gave hope and peace.

And my husband, who flew on Medi-vac missions to bring the seriously injured to established hospitals, was still not a Christian. So, I prayed and trusted God with his soul.

Then, there was the robber. I had been up until nearly three a.m. with a wife whose husband had not returned from a bombing run. She knew when his B52 should have landed. He always called when back safely to base. Dan didn’t call. We prayed and cried, then I walked home to our apartment in the dark, past the cobra-hiding bushes and the garbage heap where rabid dogs lurked. I was not asleep when the bells on the back door tinkled. The bells that usually told me my students had arrived for morning classes. Another tale of God’s provision.

I woke my husband who was home that night. He rose and found the thief beside our toddler’s bed. As the startled, dark figure dashed through the water buffalo field behind us, I grabbed our daughter and wept.  Thai babies were being sold to Europeans for adoption. The news had just hit the Bangkok Post and it was my deepest fear. This child, the one who we were told I would not be able to have, had been spared, but I felt the darkness of the night and the enemy’s whispers taunting me.

The next day Rod was slated for a week of day and night call. Before we left the States, a friend had given me a passage of Scripture to memorize. I clung to Ephesians 6:10-20 and recited it nightly as Allison slept in our giant bed. Eventually rest came, and peace.

When facing the thing you fear most, where does your help come from?

Psalms 121 became my life Psalm. There are many interpretations, but God is there, in the midst of the troubles. He dug deeply into my soul the night of the robber and I learned that He exposes my fears and asks me to give them to Him.

In trials He allows me to begin to know my identity, to know that He loves me and cares for the tiniest things in my life. As Nouwen puts it in his essay, “I am a child of God, a brother (sister) of Jesus. I am held safe in the intimacy of that divine love.”

1 Peter 1:6 states, “In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in various trials.”

Our world is experiencing a trial that is unexpected and filled with human suffering. In our collective anguish, in our care for the souls we love that do not have God’s peace, I pray we will seek His face and ask what are we (am I) to become in serving others with love?