January 16th marked the ten-year anniversary of losing my son Josh, my middle child, three weeks before his 24th birthday. He would have been 34 this year in February.
How do I cope with the loss? I focus on the blessings the Lord has given me that I still have: my other son, my daughter, their spouses, and my grandchildren. I also count the nearly 24 years with Josh as a blessing and grateful I knew him for those years. My love for him has not diminished or faded.
The year he lost his three-year battle with a rare cancer, I attended a writers conference. The keynote speaker told of the loss of her daughter years ago. I don’t normally go up to the speakers, but I had a burning question, so I went. “What do you say when someone asks you how many children you have?” Her reply was, “Two sons and a daughter in Heaven.” A testament to the missing not being forgotten.
I have a grown son and daughter and a son in Heaven. I look forward to seeing him again one day and giving him a big hug. For now, I focus on my kids here and my three adorable grandchildren. They make me happy. Josh would like that. I still think of him on a daily basis and wish I could get one of his awesome “ket” hugs. His fun way of pronouncing cat. Cat hugs were a Davis family thing. I picture him with the loved ones who have passed and the pets we have lost. I also picture my musical son rocking out with the angels. Until I see him again, I relish hugs from those I have on this side of Heaven.
At his memorial service, I told my other son, the oldest, if I ever spiraled down and could only focus on losing Josh and not the blessing of still having two great children (like I’ve seen in so many movies and TV shows), that he was to slap sense back into me. He promised he would. Fortunately, he has never needed to make good on that promise yet. 🙂
However, this year—the tenth anniversary of Josh’s passing—has been hard. There was a huge Josh-sized hole inside me and in our holiday celebrations. Both my other children and their families were here—the first time we had all been together for Christmas in eight years. I was acutely aware that someone important was missing.
Some people wonder why I just don’t get over it or ask when I’m going to get over it. After all, it has been ten years.
Losing a child is not something one “gets over.” A loss like this changes a person at their center. It changed me. I will never be the same. The loss has molded me into a different person. Not completely different, but I can never go back to how I was. I was a mom with three children on this earth who I could talk to and hug. Now, I only have two here and one in heaven.
I can’t imagine going through all that without God, my Comforter and Healer. I can understand how people—without God—spiral into hopelessness. I am so grateful for God, my Hope, for I will see Josh again.
Christmas 2023 was chaotic with everyone in our small house, but it was also awesome. I sense Josh was smiling down on us, pleased we were having a good time. He would have wanted nothing less for us.
Bestselling, award-winning novelist Mary Davis has over thirty titles in both historical and contemporary themes. Her latest release is The Lady’s Mission. Her other novels include The Debutante’s Secret, The Damsel’s Intent (a Selah Award winner), The Widow’s Plight, The Daughter’s Predicament, “Zola’s Cross-Country Adventure” in The MISSAdventure Brides Collection, the Prodigal Daughters Amish series, “Holly and Ivy” in A Bouquet of Brides Collection, and “Bygones” in Thimbles and Threads. She is a member of ACFW and active in critique groups.
Mary lives in Colorado with her husband of thirty-nine years and one foster cat. She has three adult children and three incredibly adorable grandchildren.
Will Cordelia abandon her calling, for love?
Cordelia Armstrong wants nothing more than to escape the social norms for her station in society that require her to look pretty and do as she is told. However, unless she can skillfully maneuver her father into giving up control of her trust fund, she might have to concede defeat—as well as her freedom—and marry. To ward off potential suitors, she puts on a giggly persona.
Every time Lamar Kesner finds a fascinating lady, her heart belongs to another. He doesn’t merely want a beautiful wife. He wants an intriguing partner with intelligence and wit. Is he asking too much of any woman? When a vapid socialite is offered up as a prospective bride, he contemplates flying off in his hot air balloon instead.
Is Lamar the one to finally break the determination of Cordelia’s parents to marry her off? Or will this charming bachelor fly away with her heart?
