[Alyssa Roat] The Four Loves

“I love chocolate,” we say, and, “I love you.” However, the love we have for a significant other, a favorite food, and a friend are all different (hopefully). But English doesn’t lend itself well to making these distinctions.

I’ve never had a “sweetheart” on Valentine’s Day, so as the holiday approaches, this single gal’s mind turns to other kinds of love. One thing I love (there it is again) about the Greek language used in the Bible is that it does make distinctions between different kinds of love. Even though the various Greek words for love are all translated to the same English word in most instances, they held different meanings for the Greek-speaking readers. 

In his book The Four Loves, C. S. Lewis identified four types of love in the Bible in the Greek—and three of them have nothing to do with romance!

Storge, the first one, is affection or familial love. This word isn’t actually used in the Bible, but the concept is there. Storge is based on familiarity. You don’t pick your family, but in general, a person will love their family regardless of whether they are people the person would be drawn to otherwise; family members often have nothing in common except familiarity and blood. This love, based solely on the existence of another, can be very powerful. How common is it to find people who love you just because you exist? I know at Valentine’s Day, my heart always turns to giving my mom, dad, and sister chocolate and lots of hugs.

Philia is friendship love. This word is used in the Bible. As C. S. Lewis wrote in The Four Loves, “To the Ancients, Friendship seemed the happiest and most fully human of all loves.” Philia occurs from bonding over similar interests. Friends, of course, care about one another, but it is similar interests that attract them to one another. 

Philia is often overlooked in modern culture, but it’s exhorted in the Bible. In Romans 12:10, Paul urges the believers to be devoted to one another in brotherly philia. In John 15:13, Jesus said that there is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.

I am blessed with friends that feel like family to me. Though I may be romantically single, I never feel lonely. My friends are there for me in fun times and hard times, and I know they’ll never stop loving me. We like to sneakily give each other sweets, kind notes, and stuffed animals around Valentine’s Day.

Finally, agape love is unconcerned with the self and concerned with the greatest good of another. Agape isn’t born just out of emotions, feelings, familiarity, or attraction, but from the will and as a choice. Agape requires faithfulness, commitment, and sacrifice without expecting anything in return. This is the type of love the Bible speaks about the most. The New Testament references agape over 200 times. Biblical writers used God as the standard for true agape. His love is undeserved, gracious, and sacrificial.

We are to love God and others with agape love. Agape is a choice, a deliberate striving for another’s highest good, and is demonstrated through action. God set the standard for agape love in sending Jesus to die for us while we were still sinners. 

So this Valentine’s Day, instead of focusing only on fluttering hearts and swooning romance, let’s focus on the steadfast love of God and the love we have for each other, whether for friends, family, our neighbors, or that special someone.