If you are reading this you probably love books, it’s likely your friends have good taste and love books too. You love a good story, with characters that just stick to you and a happily ever after that gives you hope for the world. You may also be in the percentage who sits down and finishes the book with the happily-ever-after and the perfect, just-quirky-enough wedding and the fade to black and…has never so much as been asked out.
Our culture, both in the church and in the world, gives an unspoken promise to women. Both versions are slightly different. The church tells us, be good and you will be granted a spouse. The world says you will date, it’s just a matter of time. Both of them promise that as you grow up, this will happen. And both in their own way try to prepare and/or protect you as you attempt to pick the right person. But has anyone ever sat in a women’s conference that said you may- of no choice of your own- skip the whole relationship part of your life in your teens and twenties?
As a 33-year-old woman who has been on two dates, this is a topic I have had to wrestle with. It is often assumed if you are single into your later 20s and beyond that you did something wrong, that you must be too [fill in the blank] or not enough [fill in the blank]. Or you are admired for not “settling”. I could tell you stories of multiple ladies who have checked every, single box for “doing things right” and their only standard is that the man is a Christian and they are in their 30s wondering why their story didn’t play out as they had been promised.
Why am I taking so much time to explain being a person who has always been single? As I sat down to write this I wanted to convey that for this demographic, this reality can be jarring. No one wants to be unseen, even if you are perfectly content on your own. It can feel like a choice being taken away from you. And here is why I have found reading romance novels to be beneficial to me: it takes some of the invisibility away.
That may sound weird, like wouldn’t reading romance either 1) rub salt in a wound? or 2) make you pine for something you don’t have? The answer to both can be “yes” depending on the person. I personally grew up in a faith tradition that taught you need to shut down all romantic thoughts until you were ready to get married. That to imagine anything no matter how innocent was playing with fire and you just need to wait until God brought you that person and then open the floodgates of feeling. One of the (multiple) problems with that, though, is there is zero emotional preparation for if God says no.
I was at least 25 before I read my first romance novel. And it took me a while to get into swing of the genre, but I will always remember two books that had me staring bug-eyed at my kindle. I felt seen. It’s one thing to have your friends and you’re all mutually frustrated at the lack of people understanding the turn your life has taken; it’s another thing to read someone who doesn’t know any of your friends and who has created a character that doesn’t fit the mold. I love a happily ever after, but that’s not why I read these. I read these because it gives me a glimpse into so many different kind of women at different ages and backgrounds who are living their lives being amazing and it’s just an added blessing that God brings them a guy.
I have had the opportunity to read quite a few of Mountain Brook Inks romance novels in the last few years and it has been encouraging. I can honestly say it has deepened my understanding of love not being conditional. I may never have a romantic relationship, but reading these stories takes some of the sorrow away from not understanding firsthand what it would be like. God is bigger than our plans and expectations and sometimes we need stories to help us remember that.
Heidi Joelle spends her days staring at paperwork and making sure it is where it is supposed to be, how it is supposed to be, when it is supposed to be. And then she comes home and makes sure the porky little dog isn’t eating a trashcan. Between these two events she tries to learn and see as much of the world around her as possible. Heidi is the author of the WORLDS COLLIDE sci-fi trilogy and the Dragon and Priest novella available through Amazon.com. She continues to spin new worlds into being…and give new spins on old worlds through the written page.
Phyllis
Nikki Wright
Heidi Joelle